She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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