we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
