When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
