tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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