i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
