1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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