so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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