i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
