question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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