It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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