so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
