If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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