I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
