his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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