Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
