Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
