idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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