I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
