im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
