Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
