I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
