I feel like abortions should bother me more
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
