The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
