Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
