You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
