and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
