Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
