i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
