Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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