Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
