absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think I died a long time ago.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
