I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
