saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my being single is dangerous.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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