i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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