I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
