I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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