My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
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