wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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