can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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