Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
