shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
