apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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