im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
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