The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize