I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
