you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
