You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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