So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
