...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
