if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
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Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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