somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
there is glitter all over my balls
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