She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
