I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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