Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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