I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dear god my vagina.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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