The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
dude. I can hear the air.
You left your phone here
Wait...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
