so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
a search helicopter?!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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